คำสอน · พระอาจารย์สุรพงค์Teaching · Pra Ajarn Suraphong
ทำไมพ่อแม่ที่ทะเลาะเบียดเบียนกันจึงปกครองลูกไม่ได้ และแก้ไขวิบากกรรมนี้อย่างไรWhy can't parents who constantly hurt each other raise their children well, and how does one heal this karma?
เมื่อพ่อแม่ถูกอกุศลเข้าสิงจิตจนทะเลาะเบียดเบียนกัน จะไม่สามารถยกจิตยกใจลูกหลานให้สูงส่งได้ เพราะลูกที่เป็นคู่กรรมคู่เวรเดียวกันจะถูกดึงดูดเข้ามาในครอบครัวเดียวกัน ทางแก้คือต้องเห็นทุกข์โทษภัยของอกุศลก่อน แล้วจึงอธิษฐานขอให้พ้นจากวิบากกรรมนี้When parents are overtaken by the unwholesome nature and end up hurting each other, they lose the ability to lift their children's minds and hearts upward — children bound to them by the same old karmic debt are drawn into the same family. The way to heal it is to first see the danger in that pattern clearly, then make an aspiration to be freed from it.
Someone asked the teacher to expand on the teaching that "when parents harm each other, it becomes an example the children follow." When parents hurt each other severely — to the point of physical violence, or splitting apart entirely, unable to live together — they lose the ability to guide their sons and daughters. They may have the capacity to bring children into the world and raise them to adulthood, but not the capacity to truly guide and discipline them.
Why parents end up harming each other
The teacher explained that every human being is governed by the three underlying natures. Whoever carries a large proportion of will be protected and guided toward wisdom by it; whoever keeps company with will lack wisdom, because the unwholesome nature has one clear goal — to harm and destroy until a person is utterly ruined. When the unwholesome nature possesses a parent's mind, it leads them to hurt each other through lust, aversion, and delusion — especially aversion — sometimes escalating to physical violence. Each side becomes selfish, insisting on having things their own way; whatever love exists lacks real goodwill and sincerity.
Governing oneself and others requires the five spiritual faculties — , faith, wisdom, concentration, and effort — with the wholesome nature made dominant within oneself first. Only then can one truly guide a family. But success also requires the five spiritual powers, which depend on first seeing clearly the danger of the unwholesome nature before one can be freed from its grip.
Why children often resemble quarrelling parents
The teacher explained that karma draws together people who share the same patterns of behavior and thought, much like drawing together members of the same "lineage." Whatever the parents are like, they tend to draw in children with similar tendencies. In many cases, family members who fight repeatedly were karmic counterparts in the past — they once clashed with each other before, and so they clash again in this life. Those without such old karmic debt between them do not experience this kind of conflict.
How to heal it in this life
The teacher advised first clearly seeing the danger and harm in this pattern of behavior — this creates the to picture how much worse things will become if left unchanged. From there, one should make an aspiration for oneself, for those around oneself, and for the family members currently hurting each other, to be freed from this karma. Making an aspiration plants a new blueprint in the mind, repeated again and again alongside recollection of merit, to build a new environment that no longer feeds conflict — though this requires enough merit-energy to truly dissolve the problem.
The teacher also pointed out that small matters which shouldn't become big issues are often stirred up by the unwholesome nature working behind the scenes, escalating them all the way to separation or even loss of life — when, if just one side stayed calm and let it go, the matter would resolve easily. But the unwholesome nature won't allow that, because its goal is to provoke misunderstanding and escalation. Recognizing that a thought arising in the mind sometimes belongs to the unwholesome nature, not to oneself, is what keeps a person from becoming its instrument. The teacher closed by noting that studying the deeply enough to truly understand these three underlying natures is what genuinely resolves problems in life.