มีผู้เล่าว่าเห็นครอบครัวหนึ่งซึ่งลูกคนโตไม่ยินดีเมื่อพ่อแม่ทำบุญ สุดท้ายพ่อแม่กลับไม่อยากยกสมบัติให้ลูกคนนั้น พระอาจารย์อธิบายว่านี่คืออกุศลที่สิงแล้วเหนี่ยวนำบาปเข้ามาทำลายสมบัติของตัวเอง และชี้ว่าการสอนให้คนทำบุญได้ต้องเริ่มจากให้เขาเข้าใจว่าบุญคืออะไรก่อนSomeone described a family where the eldest child resented it whenever the parents gave to charity — and, in the end, the parents didn't want to leave their estate to that child. Pra Ajarn explains this as the unwholesome taking hold and drawing in demerit that destroys one's own fortune, and points out that teaching someone to give starts with helping them understand what merit actually is.
Someone described a family with two children. The parents regularly gave to charity, but the eldest child resented it, feeling the wealth being given away should rightfully be theirs. The other child, while not exactly rejoicing in the merit-making, wasn't upset either, seeing it as the parents' right to do as they wished. Strangely, the parents ended up not wanting to leave their estate to the eldest at all — only to the second child. The questioner compared this to the story of the merchant Dhanañjaya, whose three sons only the youngest helped with merit-making, and who alone was able to receive the family fortune, while the other two who hadn't helped could not even dig into the golden mountain with a diamond hoe.
Pra Ajarn explained that once takes hold, it creates bias, and that bias draws in demerit — so wealth that should have come never does. The resulting misfortune destroys one's own fortune. An unwholesome mind, once it takes root, draws in demerit together with ruin; the defilement within the sphere of demerit releases a current that attracts circumstances which destroy that fortune. Words and behavior that create bias, that make someone unwilling to give, work to destroy one's own wealth by drawing in demerit together with misfortune — even though the fortune the parents leave behind still technically belongs to that child, their own behavior is what destroys it.
When asked whether the parents could be helped in teaching their child to give, Pra Ajarn pointed out that it's impossible to teach someone to give when they don't understand what merit even is. They see only that giving depletes what they have, without knowing what comes back from it — much like someone who sees no benefit in visiting a temple, finding it noisier and less peaceful than staying home. It's therefore necessary to teach what merit is, where it arises, how it arises, what it looks like, and what benefit it brings, and whether it can be proven — going into enough detail that the person sees it makes sense. The very fact that life holds together — that we're not bedridden, that we can sit and talk — is because of merit. Happiness and success behind every aspect of life all arise from merit. When two boxers fight, whoever has more merit, a bigger and brighter sphere of merit, wins. Without understanding what merit is, one also can't understand the harm of demerit or how it can be dissolved — merit itself is what dissolves demerit and resolves the problems and obstacles that demerit draws in. Without this understanding, it's impossible to expect genuine faith in giving; teaching, providing information, and helping someone prove these truths for themselves are necessary, so they come to realize it on their own — rather than giving up out of blind faith or abandoning the practice midway because results didn't appear right away.