พระอาจารย์อธิบายว่าการหนีไปหาคนใหม่ไม่ใช่ทางแก้ เพราะเราประกอบเหตุเช่นไรก็ได้ผลเช่นนั้น ต้นเหตุที่แท้จริงไม่ใช่ตัวบุคคลแต่คืออกุศลที่อาศัยกฎแห่งกรรม ให้ยืนหยัดอยู่กับความถูกต้องดีงามจนวาระบาปหมดไป มองด้วยเมตตา ไม่โทษตัวบุคคล และอธิษฐานขอให้ทั้งสองฝ่ายหลุดพ้นPra Ajarn explains that fleeing to someone new isn't the solution, since whatever causes we create, we reap the same. The real root isn't the person but the unwholesome working through the law of karma. Stand firm in what's right until the demerit's turn passes; view it with loving-kindness, don't blame the person, and aspire for both to be freed.
Someone asked: if our loved one is possessed by almost automatically, drawing demerit into us, should we flee the relationship — since we can't change them, and finding someone who abides in seems better?
Fleeing to Someone New Isn't the Solution
If we do that, we'll be treated the same way — finding someone new, we too will be left, because whatever causes we create, we reap the same. Living with someone troubled, we meet trouble. But in truth it's all the law of karma; all the distress and harm are the fruit of the unwholesome. The unwholesome wants a split, so it creates differences until a split finally occurs.
The Real Root Is the Unwholesome, Not the Person
If we abide with the wholesome, it teaches honesty and sincerity — establishing ourselves rightly and well — and has us see through to the real root, which is not the person at all. The real root is the unwholesome, working through the law of karma from causes we created in the past, ripening so we meet a partner behaving as we once behaved, causing distress to the other party, so that we receive the fruit.
Stand Firm in What's Right Until the Demerit's Turn Passes
If the time to part comes, part through the exhaustion of the demerit's turn. We must stand firm in what's right and good until that demerit's turn passes. If we abandon them for someone new, and they suffer from the fruit of causes we created, we'll receive the same fruit — abandoned by another while we're still in love, wanting to stay. Everything has its turn; merit-power and demerit-power both have turns to bear fruit. When demerit bears fruit, suffering arises; everyone experiencing demerit's fruit wants to escape, but can't. Demerit incites us to make fresh, heavier demerit, hoping to escape, but we only sink deeper and suffer more.
View It With Loving-Kindness, Don't Blame the Person, and Aspire for Freedom
We must abide with the wholesome system, which will correct and help us on its own — just by establishing ourselves in goodness, the wholesome helps turn the heavy light, and the light into nothing. Don't look at the person, for no one wants to be possessed by the unwholesome; see how able it is, and fill the heart with sincere . If this were our younger sibling, elder sister, or daughter, fallen into being possessed by the unwholesome so as to behave harmfully, we couldn't blame them. We meet this because we once behaved this way ourselves. What we can do is abide in the wholesome system, using this situation to teach ourselves to understand others' hearts, and then aspire that both we and they be freed from what is wicked; that we have a good mind; and that wherever we're reborn, we live among those of good mind — never meeting this again, and never being this way again, that is, never creating such wrong causes again.