Someone asked: when we spread loving-kindness to the departed or to a karmic counterparty, does the merit they receive depend on the strength of merit of the one spreading it? And can we invoke the power of a teacher's virtue, or of nibbana, to help them?

Pra Ajarn explained that spreading loving-kindness and spreading merit are two different things. Spreading loving-kindness is spreading goodwill, a kind of wave; spreading merit is spreading energy directly.

Spreading Loving-Kindness: Adjusting the Wave So the Wholesome Can Take Root

Spreading loving-kindness means spreading a wave that adjusts the recipient's own wave, so the wholesome can more easily take root and reside in their mind. Once the wholesome resides there, it induces energy in to drive their own system. We're only helping a little — just enough, in that moment, to keep the unwholesome or the neutral from taking hold of their mind instead. But if the strength of the unwholesome within them is intense, spreading loving-kindness can't help much; we simply keep spreading it, again and again, until a moment comes when the unwholesome within them grows lighter, and then the wholesome can more easily take the seat. So the result of spreading loving-kindness depends both on the strength of our own loving-kindness and on the strength of the unwholesome within the recipient.

Spreading Merit: It Never Disappears — It Waits for the Right Moment

As for spreading merit, the more we build the causes of merit, the more the recipient receives — but it also depends on the realm they currently inhabit, and whether they're able to receive it at that moment. The merit itself never disappears; it waits at the point where they'll be able to receive it, at the proper turn. For instance, it might wait in the realm of Yama; once they've finished bearing the karmic results of the various hells, they're brought to the realm of Yama, where an official informs them that relatives have sent merit their way — they then receive that merit and can take a better rebirth.

Invoking a Teacher or Nibbana to Help Is Genuinely Possible

As for merit that has already arisen, we can genuinely invoke a teacher's help, or invoke the power of nibbana to help, because they possess the knowledge and understand exactly what must be done. There's an example of an army officer who, as a human, drank heavily and had many affairs; upon dying he fell into hell. His son ordained and dedicated the merit to him, which was able to substantially reduce the demerit he had to bear in hell. But this applies to cases where the recipient has already passed away — for someone still living, merit cannot be received in the same way; it waits first in the realm of Yama, until the proper turn to receive it arrives.