จะให้ใครเห็นคุณค่าของเรา เราต้องเกื้อกูลประโยชน์แก่เขาก่อน แม้แต่พระเดชพระคุณหลวงปู่หลวงพ่อก็ยังมีคนไม่เห็นคุณค่า ส่วนคนพาลที่เนรคุณนั้นไม่ควรไปให้น้ำหนัก เพราะเป็นอันตรายกว่าหากเขามาสนใจเราTo have others value us, we must first bring genuine benefit into their lives — even our founding teachers were not valued by everyone. As for the foolish who show ingratitude, they aren't worth giving any weight to — it's far more dangerous if they take an interest in us instead.
Someone asked: why is it that, even though we're the same person with the same abilities, some places see our value while others — such as a workplace — see little value in us at all, which has been quite painful?
This doesn't happen only to you — everyone experiences this. Even our founding teachers were the same; some people refused to accept them at all, simply out of not knowing or understanding. The reason for this comes down to asking ourselves: have we brought real benefit into that person's life? If we haven't, there's no way we can expect them to value us.
Even a Temple Dog Changes Its Behavior Once It Receives Some Benefit
Pra Ajarn gave an example: at a certain meditation center, walking along the road at night, the temple dogs would bark every single night, as though they'd never met before. But after finishing a meal and taking scraps of meat and bone out to share with each dog, from that day on, not one of them ever barked again — instead, they'd come wagging their tails. It isn't only people who fail to see our value when we bring them no benefit — even animals behave the same way.
Extend Benefit in Order, Starting With Those Closest to Us
If we want others to see our value, we must bring them benefit — but since there are so many people, we should extend that benefit in order, starting with those closest and most connected to us, such as our parents, because they've done so much for us. This is gratitude (): whoever has done us a kindness, we must repay first. Taking our parents as our model, we then extend that same kindness to those around us. Whoever we benefit will come to value us; whoever we fail to benefit naturally won't. At the same time, whoever benefits us, we too must recognize their value and repay them — this is the foundation of early practice: know the kindness done to you, and repay it.
Make Your Goodness Visible Through the Four Bases of Social Bonding
For others to genuinely appreciate our goodness, we must make it visible through the four bases of social bonding (sangaha-vatthu): giving, kind speech, beneficial conduct, and even-handedness — always acting to benefit others, consistently, without wavering. Even after practicing all four, if we still feel some lingering , we should bring small gifts to that person often, on occasions like birthdays or important dates. A good impression and familiarity will build gradually, until eventually they come to see our value on their own.
The Foolish Don't Recognize Kindness — Don't Give Their Opinion Any Weight, or Hope to Befriend Them
If that person is one of the foolish (khon phaan), possessed by , they simply will not recognize kindness — and worse, they may even repay it with ingratitude, since this is simply the nature of such people. If we were once close to a foolish person in a past life, it may keep us caught in a cycle with them. If they merely refrain from being ungrateful, that already counts as good — don't hope for them to recognize your kindness at all. In such a case, don't give any weight to the opinion of a foolish person, since it poses no real danger. What is far more dangerous is if a foolish person sees that we're useful to them and seeks us out to exploit that usefulness. So if a foolish person fails to see our value, that's actually for the best — it keeps us at a safe distance, sparing us wasted time and a troubled heart from having to stay near them.