Someone asked: if I ask my mother to cook a dish for me, or ask my parents for help with something, does that count as "using" them badly? Where's the line?

Ajarn explained that living together naturally involves mutual give and take—that's normal. What determines whether it's wholesome or not isn't the act itself, but the **intention** behind it. Notice whether you're asking with kindness, or with a demanding, domineering tone. If someone pressured you to do something for them, you wouldn't like it. In the same way, asking someone for help with a kind heart, and appreciating what they've given, is wholesome. But demanding it as if they were your servant, without any gratitude, invites unwholesomeness in.

Ajarn extended the same principle to asking a monk or a helper at the temple for a small favor—what matters is whether the asker's mind is wholesome or not. Even if the outward behavior looks polite, if there's no real sincerity behind it, unwholesomeness still creeps in, and it tends to come back around: eventually we run into people who treat us the same insincere way.

Asking for small favors with genuine gratitude is not "using" anyone wrongly. Ajarn connected this to gratitude itself, noting that the great disciple Sariputta was known for his exceptional wisdom precisely because he was someone who deeply recognized the goodness done for him. Recognizing goodness is like reading the label on a bottle of medicine, or knowing the properties of the plants in a forest—once you understand their value, you can put them to good use. The same is true of asking help from our parents or anyone else: when it's done with real appreciation, gratitude naturally arises, and with it, a steady flow of merit and good fortune into our lives.