พระอาจารย์อธิบายว่านักสร้างบารมีต่างจากคนทั่วไป เมื่อเจอคนขี้หงุดหงิด แทนที่จะหงุดหงิดตอบ ควรปรับใจให้สงบและแผ่เมตตาธรรมออกไป ซึ่งจะช่วยขจัดความขัดเคืองในใจของอีกฝ่าย พร้อมทั้งใช้ปัญญาพิจารณาเหตุผลของพฤติกรรมนั้นด้วยความเข้าใจThe teacher explains that a true perfection-builder responds differently from an ordinary person: instead of mirroring someone's irritation, we should calm our own mind and radiate loving-kindness toward them — which helps dissolve the resentment in their heart — while using wisdom to understand the real cause behind their behavior with compassion.
A lay follower asked how to manage oneself when having to live or work around someone who is easily irritated, whether at home or at work, without being emotionally affected by it.
Perfection-Builders Respond Differently From Ordinary People
The teacher explained that there are two ways of building perfections: the "conveyor belt" type, which always passes behavior along in the same direction, and the "gear" type, where one turning one way makes the other turn the opposite way. An ordinary person, faced with someone behaving badly, tends to react with displeasure in kind, like a conveyor belt. A perfection-builder does the opposite — the moment they encounter unsuitable behavior, they immediately shift themselves in the opposite direction: staying calm and radiating instead.
Loving-Kindness Helps Dissolve Resentment
When we calm our own mind and remain rooted in the system of wholesome , that calm arises naturally on its own. And when we cultivate loving-kindness, its light shines into the center of the other person's heart, gradually dissolving the resentment there. The teacher advised cultivating this loving-kindness by recognizing the able state of someone caught up in irritation and inner turmoil. The power of loving-kindness has a special quality: it can dissolve resentment directly.
Wisdom Helps Us Understand the Root Cause
Beyond loving-kindness, wisdom is also needed. Wholesomeness guides us to see the causes and effects behind such behavior, tracing it back to its root. Once we truly understand the reality behind it, we also come to know how to gently remind the other person, helping them free themselves from that defilement or unwholesome bias. Both loving-kindness and wisdom must therefore be used together in handling situations like this. The way to genuinely help someone who is easily irritated is: when they show their irritation, we calm our own mind and stay rooted in the system of wholesome dhamma — calm arises automatically — and by guiding ourselves to cultivate loving-kindness as well, its light reaches into the center of their heart, gradually dissolving their resentment.