แทนที่จะจมอยู่กับความเศร้าโศกซึ่งมีแต่จะเหนี่ยวนำบาปเข้ามาซ้ำเติม ควรอาศัยการทำบุญและอธิษฐานจิตส่งบุญกุศลไปให้ผู้จากไปอย่างสม่ำเสมอทุกวัน และเมื่อใจยังดึงอารมณ์เศร้าออกไม่ได้ ให้ฝึกทำใจหยุดนิ่งเฉยเพื่อขจัดมลทินที่เหนี่ยวนำความเศร้าหมองนั้นRather than sinking into grief, which only draws in more misfortune, one should give and dedicate merit to the departed regularly, every day. When the heart still cannot pull itself out of sorrow, practising a still, quiet mind helps clear away the very defilement that is drawing that sorrow in.
A member asked, on behalf of another disciple, for guidance: after losing loved ones close together in time, they feel completely thrown off balance, unable to move past the grief, prone to poor decisions, and sometimes without any will to carry on.
Understand what the departed truly need
We are born to bring benefit to those we love. Their passing is unavoidable — but once they have gone, what they need most is merit, that pure energy, because every realm of existence runs on merit as its cost of living. As living humans, we can send merit to them every time we do good. If we place our own grief first and let it wear us down to no purpose, that is not wise. Place the departed first, and create benefit for both of you.
Send merit to the departed, continuously
Every time we think of a loved one who has passed, we should send merit continuously — morning, midday, afternoon, evening — the way people who truly love each other think of one another constantly, not just once a month or once a year. The method is to recall images of the good we have done, or to generate toward all beings, including the departed; the stream of merit will flow through the brightness of that loving-kindness. This can be done during any activity — working, talking with clients, bathing, eating. If, instead, we let the mind stay mired in sorrow, will keep inserting demerit, deepening the gloom further and further, benefiting neither ourselves nor the one who has gone.
Concrete practices to follow
Upon waking, chant and pay respects to the Triple Gem, dedicating the merit to the departed. Undertake and keep them pure — if you have never kept the eight precepts, begin now. Meditate more often, both morning and before sleep. During the day, offer food as sangha-dana; if you cannot go in person, arrange for someone to offer on your behalf — give what you can, whether little or much, including contributing to kathin according to your means. Do this every day to send merit to both the departed and yourself, rather than sinking uselessly into grief, which only creates karmic debt that follows across countless lifetimes.
Merit is never a "test"
A further question was raised: is hardship or a fall in life truly a "test" set by the merit side? The teacher answered that the merit side never sets any test at all — it holds only compassion and kindness, offering encouragement and guiding us toward what is right and good, then leaving the choice entirely to us. It never forces. The wholesome system gradually cultivates vision and inspiration; all hardship, in contrast, is the result of the unwholesome misguiding us and then claiming it was "a test" — a claim not to be trusted, since it lacks sincerity. The Triple Gem and Nibbana carry no defilement whatsoever, so they are never angry with us and never test us — only love and cherish us as their own dearest treasure. Even when we err, there is never any resentment toward us — only comfort, and the gentle invitation to begin again.